You smile...

It has been hard to write down my thoughts in the last couple of months. It has been hard because what i say here could possibly mean another thing to the wrong people and then i would have a hard time clearing things up again. Some times i wish i could get away from everyone. But even i know that does not help me solve anything. At time again i lost who i was because i was trying to please everyone. Even my boss also knows that I am not happy when i come into work some times. Haiz... Some times I wonder if i had really asked for my life to be like this or did i choose my own path to end up this way? Some things can't be changed anymore. Some things I can't wish to go back into time and change things. Life as it is what we choose our next step to be like. You may fall, you pick yourself up. You may wonder, and some one points you the path. You may twist your ankle, but you fix yourself up. I have done all that in a matter of a few months. Some times I do feel like that i live my life is to please and serve everyone. I used to be able to wake up each day knowing what I wanted to do and had a plan for the day. I used to. Now a days, i wake up with a heavy head not knowing what i should be doing or who i should be doing it for. It is as if i wake up without a purpose anymore. I used to look forward to the day and start my day off positive. But lately if its not work its my personal life. I have lost track of who Andrew Jee really is already.

I know i am just writing without making any sense at the moment but this is how my thoughts are flowing out of my head right now. Does not help much even with Etta Jones singing At Last blasting out of my speakers like it was day time and no one could hear. My music is rather loud now.

At Last Lyrics by Etta James

At last, my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
Oh, yeah, at last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clovers
The night I looked at you
I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to rest my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile
Oh, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine
At last

Some times i go through the day having to make this difficult decision of choice. If i make this choice it afftects this this this, if i made the other it affects that that and that. No matter what decision i try to make to avoid that choice, it still comes back to it. I am so troubled.